What To -Say or Do-When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

We all have moments when someone or something pushes our buttons, triggering an  emotional reaction that can feel overwhelming. But what does this really look and feel like?

It can look and feel like: An increased heart rate, sweating, clenched fists, or a feeling of heat rising in your body, sudden anger, frustration, crying, irritation, or hurt. 

You might feel a strong urge to react impulsively, racing thoughts, difficulty focusing, or a feeling of being overwhelmed. 

You might replay the triggering event in your mind or think of past grievances, snapping at someone, raising your voice, becoming defensive, or withdrawing from the situation entirely.

But the most unsettling aspect of having your buttons pushed is the sense of losing control. 

These physical symptoms are your body’s fight-or-flight response kicking in, preparing you to react. It can feel like someone else is dictating your emotions and actions, leaving you feeling powerless and out of control. 

But it’s not hopeless. You can be in control. 

When someone pushes your buttons, consider using these phrases to respond calmly and assertively:

1. “I need a moment to think about this.”

2. “I feel upset right now and need some time to calm down.”

3. “I understand your point, but this conversation is getting too heated for me.”

4. “Can we discuss this later when we’re both calmer?”

5. “I feel disrespected when you say/do that, and I’d like us to address it respectfully.”

6. “Let’s try to find a solution together without arguing.”

7. “I need to step away for a bit to collect my thoughts.”

8. “I hear you, but I need you to lower your tone so we can talk calmly.”

10.”I need some time to process what you’re saying before I respond.”

11.”I want to have a constructive conversation, but I need a moment to collect my thoughts first.”

These responses can help you maintain control and steer the conversation towards a more productive and respectful direction.

It’s also completely okay to resound with an action.

Redirect the Conversation. Change the topic or steer the conversation towards a neutral subject. This can help de-escalate the situation and prevent further agitation.

Focus on Solutions. Shift your attention from the problem to finding a resolution. Ask yourself what steps can be taken to address the issue constructively and work towards a positive outcome.

Identify Triggers. Reflect on what specifically triggers your strong reactions. Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and manage your responses more effectively in the future.

Take a break. Walk away. Leave the room. 

It’s okay to step back, breathe, reflect, and choose a response that aligns with your own thoughts and feelings in the present moment. 

Hope this helps. If you want more clarity or want to talk, call or email me. I’d love to chat. 

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